Life at 50: Five Unexpected Events That Shaped My Life

 I turned 50 this year. Half a decade. More than the mid-point considering life expectancy rate.  It is a good time to take a moment for reflection. While there are quite a number of memories to look back to, here are the top five (unplanned) events that changed the course of my life and taught me important life lessons.

Timeline: 17 years old, college sophomore year

Context: Asian financial crisis. Local economy was bad. Income from my parents’ cottage industry business slowed down. I was not able to enroll to college that year.

 I worked full time as a service crew in a fast food chain. I learned to value my hard earned money and be choiceful on how I spend it. When I saved enough and continued my engineering course, everyone I knew moved on and it was like starting over again in college. I realized too, that it was a chance to reinvent myself. I came back to the university a totally different person than when I started as a freshman. I was no longer the timid lady who barely spoke. I pushed myself for the college journal tryouts which I missed in my year one. Ran for and won club officer positions. Became an editor-in-chief for the college journal and college yearbook. Received the college leadership award. Landed a job at my dream company shortly after graduation and while preparing for the board exams, which I passed at 1^st try.

 Lesson: Life can derail you at times but it is how you bounce forward that matters. Do not let the past define you. Overcome adversities. There are life lessons beyond the classroom. You will never know what you are capable of until you have tried and put yourself out there.

 

Timeline: Mid-20s, young professional  

Context: New hire in my dream company as an R&D process development associate. 3 years later – married, expecting our first baby and a global restructuring underway. Took a career re-direction and moved to the P&G Cabuyao Plant.

When I transferred to the plant, I was anxious about the future of my career. I was offered a role in project engineering for a new plant to be constructed. It was either that or stick to process development for a product form that is going to be replaced by innovative formulations to be developed elsewhere. I made the bold move to change career directions. Little did I know, it will be the first of many more trailblazing roles at the Cabuyao Plant over the next twenty years. I took on roles where I am the pioneer -  either the 1st leader on the role or the 1st woman to take the job position, sometimes both. This became a recurring theme of my career for many years. Along the way I met mentors who believed in me and became life-long friends; leaders who shared their wisdom and held my hand throughout that journey. I am now at the stage of my career where my focus is about leading with purpose by giving back. I have been and will continue to be committed to give back through the young leaders that I mentor.

 Lesson: There is that spark of life that starts beyond that comfort zone. Do not wait for inspiration. I decided to create my purpose vs finding that purpose. It takes a village to raise a leader, recognize that you do not get there all by your own. Be grateful by giving back.

 

Timeline: Late 30s, foray into running

Context: A non-athletic person training for and finishing a marathon twice.

I am the most non-athletic person you can ever run into. At late 30s I felt the effects of a metabolism that is slowing down. I have to do something to continue being fit and healthy towards the twilight years. We were living an expat life in Singapore then, and my friend Leklek encouraged me to join an all-women run. I decided to sign up, run on threadmill to prepare for the race day, and finished my first ever 10KM run!  When it was time to go back at home country, I continued running and encouraged the whole family to join fun runs. We became part of a community of runners composed of families with special needs children. After few more years, my husband and I decided to take the challenge of training and running for a marathon.

Fast forward to Feb 2020 and onset of pandemic, I had a plantar fascitis injury two weeks before race day. I was tempted to avail the deferment offer for those who would rather not run with COVID-19 looming in. The rigorous hours of training taught me that running for a marathon is conquering that voice inside you that wanted to quit. I had to trust the many long hours and sacrifices I gave for the training. A marathoner comes with heart and soul that roars back to say, “I shall not be defeated by this!” There is also a spiritual element into this experience. I had to trust and keep faith in God’s grace that He will run beside me in this marathon, just as He has always done so, in the race called life. I finished the marathon injury-free.

Four years later, I finished my second marathon one week after I turned 50, 50 minutes better than TBR 2020.

 More stories about the adversities while preparing for my first marathon: https://metamorphosis-armie.blogspot.com/2020/03/to-stars-through-adversities.html

 Lessons: Stretching beyond my capability. You will never know what you are capable of until you have tried. Power of discipline and focus. Trust the process. Run your race, run your pace.

 

Timeline: Late 40s, Pandemic

Context: Aging and Mortality

If 2020 and 2021 was tough enough due to the pandemic, I did not expect 2022 to be one of the most gut-wrenching year ever. We lost our brother Aris due to heart attack after battling with leukemia. It took us more than a month to process the repatriation of his remains from Saudi Arabia where has been working and living for the past 23 years. I felt the full blow of grief only after we were able to bring him to his final resting place and this was 40 days after his death. Our last time together in the Philippines as a complete family was 2014.

 In the same period, Tatay (father-in-law) spent half of the year in ICU. My husband spent 24/7 at the hospital during the entire period. The days dragged into weeks, then months until finally, Tatay took his last breath. Knowing Tatay’s ordeal, there was a sense of peace that his agony is over. There was so much sadness throughout those period, every day was dreadful and I felt anxiety creeping in.

 Lesson: Aging and death is unavoidable. But before these events, it was just a concept. It is now a reality looming in and forced me to look at life and priorities differently. I called on tough choices – to choose to prioritize more time with family and peace of mind, accept the trade-offs and not look back to rue on the what-could-have-beens. Time with family is precious. Focus on essentials – people, experiences, the simple stuff of happiness. Making tough choices on where to put my energy and forego the things that are not of essence in this life.

And finally. I saved this for last because I knew this will be the most poignant.

Timeline: from Mid-20s and for as long as I live

Context: Raising a child with special needs.

Our first born was diagnosed with the Autism disorder at age 2 ½ years. We noticed that speech was non-existent for his age, among other things. It was devastating. But, there was no time for despair. Whatever tears and heartaches I had, was buried among the flurry of things that needed to be done. Find SPED school, book the therapists, look for caregivers, meet with therapists, work-work-work (those fees did not come cheap). After a decade of working for a prestigous local company, my husband left so that he can personally look after our son’s day-to-day needs at the special school and at home, and we agreed that I will continue and pursue my career. This was among the many tough choices we had to make through the years. Our daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis at onset of adolescence that grew to a severe curve at a short span of time. Spine fusion operation was done at summer of 2019. I took a leave of absence from work to care for her full time while recovering. My husband and I knew that the challenges for caring for our children with special needs does not end there.

We shall be celebrating our silver wedding anniversary this year. I am grateful to have been blessed with a better half who shares the same belief and principles, the same tenacity and commitment. Over many years, we made so many tough decisions – putting ahead the welfare of our children over our own individual aspirations and ambitions.

 Lesson:  They say that special children are a blessing. That, God gave them to us because He knew that we could give them the best care. Most days, I comfort myself with this thought. Some days, thankfully not a lot, I heave a tired sigh, dig deep for courage and resilience. We hang on to the three greatest things in life – love for each other, faith to God, and hope. 

Praying for the best and preparing for the sunset years that will come.