Tahanan ng Aking Pusong Pilipino

 Ito ang aking kauna-unahang lathala sa wikang Tagalog. Aaminin ko na hindi naging madali dahil nakasanayan ko nang sumulat sa wikang ingles sa mahabang panahon. Matagal ko na itong gustong gawin, pero hinintay ko talaga ang buwan ng wika upang ito ay ilathala. 

Ako ay ipinanganak na Pilipino. Lumaki at namuhay sa Pilipinas, at malamang ay dito na rin ako mananantili hanggang sa dapithapon ng aking buhay. Wala akong pangarap na maging mamamayan ng ibang bansa sa kahit ano pang kadahilanan.

Sa tuwing bibigkasin sa paaralan ang Panatang Makabayan, ang huling dalawang pangungusap ng lumang bersiyon na inabot ko ay nagsasabing “Paglilingkuran ko ang aking bayan nang walang pag-iimbot at nang buong katapatan. Sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na Pilipino sa isip, sa salita, at sa gawa.”

Pero minsan ko nang naitanong sa aking sarili noong ako ay bata pa, paano nga ba tayo nagiging isang ganap na Pilipino, sa isip, sa salita, at sa gawa?

Siyam na taong gulang ako nang mabasa ko ang sanaysay ni Carlos P. Romulo sa aking librong pampanitikan. Ito ay unang inilathala sa The Philippines Herald noong Agosto 16, 1941. Isinulat niya ito sa wikang ingles at ang pamagat ay “I am a Filipino.” Malamang ay nabasa mo ito o kaya ay narinig sa mga paligsahan ng bigkasan.

Sa aking murang kaisipan ay tumatak ang mga piling salita ng sanaysay na ito (at hindi ko na isasalin pa sa tagalog).

I am a Filipino–
inheritor of a glorious past, hostage to the uncertain future. 
As such I must prove equal to a two-fold task–
the task of meeting my responsibility to the past, 
and the task of performing my obligation to the future.
I am a Filipino. 
In my blood runs the immortal seed of heroes–
seed that flowered down the centuries in deeds of courage and defiance. 
That seed is immortal. 
It is the self-same seed that flowered in the heart of Jose Rizal 
that morning in Bagumbayan 
when a volley of shots put an end to all that was mortal of him 
and made his spirit deathless forever.1

Sa mga pambungad na talata pa lamang ay nangungusap sa akin ang tinig na nagsasabing ako ay salinlahi ng kabayanihan, katapangan at katapatan sa bayan. Bagamat ang ating mga bayani ay nangibang bansa sa maikling panahon, ang mga pinakakamagiting sa kanila ay nagbalik upang ipaglaban ang ating kalayaan. Inalay nila ang kanilang kabataan, kinabukasan at kabayanihan para sa Pilipinas.

At dahil bata pa nga ako noon, wala naman sa aking hinagap na maging bayani.  Ang alam ko lang ay gusto kong maging isang Pilipino na karapat dapat sa mata ng Maykapal na nagtadhana sa akin na maging isang Pilipino; at sa alaala ng ating mga bayani na nakibaka upang tayo ay maging isang malayang bansa.

I sprung from a hardy race, 
child of many generations removed of ancient Malayan pioneers. 
Across the centuries the memory comes rushing back to me: 
of brown-skinned men putting out to sea 
in ships that were as frail as their hearts were stout. 
Over the sea I see them come, 
borne upon the billowing wave and the whistling wind, 
carried upon the mighty swell of hope–
hope in the free abundance of new land 
that was to be their home and their children’s forever… 
This land I received in trust from them 
and in trust will pass it to my children, 
and so on until the world is no more.2

Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, naintindihan ko ang kasaysayang ng pinagmulan ng ating kabayanihan. Magmula noon ay hindi na nakakabagot para sa akin ang paksa ng Araling Panlipunan at Kasaysayan. Nabigyang buhay sa aking kaisipan ang kasaysayan ng ating lahi at kuwento ng kanilang kagitingan. 

Hindi man perpekto ang ating bansa at mga mamayan nito (at kasama na ako doon), alam ko na ngayon na kinalakhan ko ang diwa ng sanaysay ni Carlos P. Romulo sa aking kamalayan – na piliin ang ating bayan higit sa lahat, ang ialay ang aking kabataan, katapatan at pagmamalasakit sa kanyang kalinga – sa pagiging isang mabuting mamayan ng Pilipinas sa gana ng aking kakayanan at higit pa. 

Nanirahan ako kasama ng aking pamilya sa ibang bansa ng humigit kumulang tatlong taon. Pero naramdaman ko ang pangungulila – kahit pa malayo namang napakayaman at progresibo ng bansang iyon. Pangungulila, dahil alam kong wala ako sa aking sariling bansa. Kung kaya’t isang araw habang ako ay naglalakad mag isa at tinititigan ang mga magagarang ilaw sa mga modernong gusali nila, alam ko, na darating ang araw, ay babalik ako sa aking bansa. 

Dahil kahit gaano man ka progresibo at karangya ng aking paligid, hindi ito ang tahanan ng aking aking puso. 

Ako ay Pilipino. Sa isip, sa salita, sa gawa. Sa puso at sa paninindigan. Kahit pa mahirap siyang ipaglaban.

1, 2 – Mula sa sanaysay “I am a Filipino” ni Carlos P. Romulo

Kayganda ng ating Kalikasan: Tugatong ng Maruyog 

Arch of the Centuries

Graduation season is in full swing, and for those graduating from my alma mater — UST — it’s time for the much-awaited Baccalaureate Mass and the traditional walk through the Arch of the Centuries.

On my graduation year, I missed attending the batch Baccalaureate Mass.

I was the Editor-in-Chief (EIC) of the Thomasian Engineer Journal 1996 . There had been a last-minute push to produce a college batch yearbook, and volunteer staffers were scarce. I became it's default editor and producer. The engineering department heads were hesitant to support the project, doubting if it can be delivered on time.  As EIC, I gave my word: the yearbooks would be issued before graduation day (and an added note to self: come hell or high water). We were working on a very tight schedule, and I had to use every ounce of my convincing (and micro-managing) powers to ensure that publishers met the deadline.

We were racing against time. Deadlines loomed, details mattered, and every decision counted. I poured everything I had into making it happen, convincing and pushing everyone — including myself — beyond our limits. In the end, I chose to skip the Baccalaureate Mass to honor the commitment I made.

The yearbooks were delivered as promised. I had no regrets on what I had to miss.

The Baccalaureate was a once-in-a-lifetime event. A celebration of everything we had worked so hard for. But deep down, I also knew this: missing it would not make the conclusion of my college years less significant. It does not make me less of who  I am. I had clarity. I knew what I wanted, where I needed to go, and the kind of road I was willing to take to get there.

And sometimes, that certainty — that quiet fire inside — is what mattered most. You forge ahead and leave regrets behind.

 Congratulations Batch 2025, especially to the Thomasian Engineers!

 P.S.: After 22 years since we graduated, Alvin and I had our moment under the Arch of Centuries.

Proud Tomasinong Inhinyero

My Life at the Barrio: Where the Lake Meets the Hills

I spent a good half of my pre-married adult life in Binangonan, Rizal. I was in my teens when we moved from Cubao, Quezon City to Rizal.

Binangonan used to be part of the larger administrative area known as the Distrito Politico-Militar de Morong during the Spanish colonial period. Binangonan has a unique geography, being both lakeside and partly mountainous. The Binangonan hills are part of the Sierra Madre mountain range. Its early inhabitants were fishermen and inland dwellers who focused more on agriculture and raising farm animals.

Construction of our future home in Barangay Tayuman began in the early 80s. We didn’t own a car, so the jeepney ride from Cubao to Tayuman took about 45 minutes. It was a breezy drive along a seemingly endless highways, lined with tall shrubs and, now and then, piles of gravel, sand, and hollow blocks marking future subdivisions along Cainta and Taytay. The cool breeze against your face was a welcome relief from the humid city air.

The Manila East Road overlooks Laguna de Bay, and I loved watching the lake as the jeepney passed by into Tayuman. In the early '80s, jeepneys and mini buses were the only public utility vehicles making trips from Cubao, Pasig, and Mandaluyong. Tricycles could take you to nearby Angono, where the closest public market, church, and schools were located. By the early '90s, RRCG buses started operating, and by the late '90s, P2P vans began servicing routes to SM Megamall, and Makati CBD via what would later become Bonifacio Global City. I saw the pre-BGC area of Taguig being dredged to make way for skyscrapers and commercial establishments.

We moved to Rizal in summer of 1987. The contrast between rural life and the city didn’t unsettle me, though it was far from our urban life in Cubao.

I recall that in the early 80s, the road called Barrio Road, which led to our home at the C.O.D. Compound, was dusty and rocky during dry seasons, and muddy—and nearly impassable—during rainy months. Electricity was just starting to reach a few households, and chlorinated water and telephone lines were unheard of. By the late '80s, a deep well station was installed within the compound, which was fortunately for us, 20 meters away from our house. PLDT reached Tayuman in the early '90s, as population growth made installing phone lines viable. Internet and cable TV arrived in the early 2000s.

The nearest store was at least 100 meters from our house. We had only a few neighbors, and most were hidden by tall cogon shrubs. Our house was built along the perimeter of the compound, with a vast stretch of uninhabited land and a small duck farm behind it. A cluster of nipa huts sat in the middle of the land, looking more like a farm than a neighborhood. Life in the countryside was slow, simple, and far removed from the luxuries of the city—but it was home, and a place my parents could finally call their own. A mango tree grew in our backyard in the early 90s and this tree continue to give gifts until this very day.

During the pre-internet summers, children played siato, flew giant paper kites, joined bingo games (winning ₱1 for a blackout!), played taguan under the full moon, and enjoyed volleyball matches. I tried joining these games, but I was never good at any of them! Summer also meant community basketball tournaments for teenage boys and fathers.

Before sunset, my brother and I took turns fetching and storing water from the community well, watering plants, and preparing dinner. Life was simple—sometimes boring, even uneventful.

Every New Year’s Eve, the community would gather at the plaza for a potluck party. There were games and programs. I was in college when I started helping organize these events. Looking back, the once-shy girl in me finally broke out of her shell, learned to take charge, and found her voice.

As I got busier with college, then graduated and started working in Makati, my involvement in the community waned. After I got married, I continued to visit my parents and witnessed how our sleepy neighborhood gradually transformed. Subdivisions and townhouses lined Barrio Road, and convenience stores and two-story commercial buildings stood where idle fields used to be.

With both my sisters now living oversees, I’m the only one who saw these transformations firsthand.

I still visit Ma and Dada as often as I can. They’re now in the twilight of their lives but living comfortably and debt-free in the house they can proudly call their own. These days, when I’m home in Rizal, I wistfully look at the porch—once just an open patch of soil and gravel—where I used to sit under the stars, patiently writing my literary pieces during summer nights.

When I look out, I still see remnant memories of our old community—the people I grew up with, the quiet, uneventful but deeply satisfying life we once had, the luxury of open space and time on your hands. 

And just like the old times, the inspiration to write has returned. And so, here we are.

View of Binangonan's Talim Island from CALAX

Our Home.
The view of the mountain range has now been obscured
by the trees and houses.

On a clear day, the view of lakeside Rizal
is visible from Bicutan leading to C6 road.

View of the Laguna de Bay and Binangonan mainland
from the top of the lakeside hills. 

 

A Tribute for My Mother

 My mother began working at 17 when grandfather died unexpectedly in his early 40s, leaving behind my grandmother and seven children. My lola does not work and due to hard times, my mother was unable to finish school. She took on the responsibility of earning a living to help support the entire family.

She started as a salesclerk in a famous department store in Cubao and, through hard work, rose to become a Section Head. I spent much of my childhood in that place too.

I grew up knowing that my mother is the working mom type.  At the same time, she managed our household with stay-in helpers in our early years. But as time passed, it became harder to find reliable help. By my teenage years, when we moved to the rural countryside, my mother and I managed the household ourselves. 

 In the early 1990s, she took early retirement and, together with my father, focused on growing their small-scale, home-based business making nursery and children’s bags.

 During summer vacations, I would accompany her to Divisoria to buy raw materials. Without a private vehicle, we endured long, hot commutes, carrying heavy loads. We used to have lunch at Jollibee with an extra treat of chocolate sundae and that will be the highlight of my hot, dusty day.

 I have never seen my mother back down from any challenge life threw at her. With limited means, she worked tirelessly to give her children a better life and not endure the same hardships she went through due to limited opportunities. She ensured we attended private schools and completed our college education at reputable universities. Beyond our family, she also played an active role in our small community.

 Even after retiring completely from managing the home-based business, she remained active—both physically and mentally. She continued to be present in our lives.

 Now, in her mid-70s, she still handles her banking, manages household expenses, and even embraces technology. She used Facebook Marketplace to declutter the house, sold items she no longer needed. She enjoys tending to her garden and has taken in orphaned cats, all despite having had knee surgery several years ago.

 I have watched my mother live through and overcome frustrations and sadness with unwavering strength—just like her favorite basketball team’s motto: "Never say die."

 Looking back on her life and the many stories I have had the privilege of knowing as the eldest child, I know that my sisters and I grew into the strong, resilient women we are today because of her. Strength is in our DNA, passed down through our mother, the life she has lived, the battles she won and showed us how.

 Thank you, Ma. I know this isn’t nearly enough.

 I choose to honor you now, while you’re here to see it—not someday, when my words can only drift into emptiness.

 Thank you for all that you have sacrificed and done for us, Ma.

Year Ender 2024: 10 Things I Did to Simplify My Life

2024 has been a milestone year from several fronts for me and our family. But more importantly, I remained committed to continue small steps to simplify my life. Here are the top ten things I have chosen to do in 2024 to live more deliberately in simplicity.

1.  Embraced Minimalism and Essentialism.

Minimalism is being deliberate about what I allow to take space in my mind and physical space, while Essentialism is mindfulness on people, things, life events that matters most in life.

2. Allowed myself some slack.

 On things I started to forget, stuff that I overlook. Que ver.

3. Stop engaging in pointless discussions.

 Unless it is a matter of personal safety, I don’t argue mindlessly just to prove that I am right. On most days, my peace is more important than being right.

4. Allowed myself to quit when it no longer serve its purpose.

Quitting does not necessarily equate to losing. It can also mean deliberately redirecting your energies to something more meaningful and worth your time.

5. Leave time for ‘doing nothing’.

I stopped overscheduling my day and weekends. I learned to master the art of doing nothing, on days when I truly needed to slow down.

6. Decluttering and don’t buy > 1 of things where I only need one of them.

More of this in my blog : The Road to a Minimalist Lifestyle: Things I Stopped Buying

7. Simple milestone celebrations.

Instead of organizing an elaborate, full-blown celebration, we chose to spend it with immediate family only. My daughter missed an eighteenth birthday celebration due to the pandemic; as she turned twenty-one this year, she spent it with few close friends who truly appreciate her.

 We went for bento cakes this year for all our birthday and milestone celebrations. Enjoy a teeny bit of the sugar rush in minimal quantities.

8. Skip negative and depressing news.

I follow current events and continue to be aware of what is happening in the world, without getting lost in all that drama and negativity. 

9. Acknowledge that some days will be slower than the others.

10. Be deliberate on mindfulness and self-care. Only you can take of you.

I  incorporate daily or weekly exercises to boost energy levels. I created my Decathlon List - physical activities that I need to do now so that I can continue to be strong when I reach the twilight years.

Happy New Year! May this holiday season bring you joy, relaxation, and time to recharge with your loved ones.

Wishing you all a year filled with health, happiness, and success.

Photo-Highlights of 2024

1

25 Low to No-Buy Things for 2025

Ever since I embraced the minimalist-essentialist lifestyle, I find myself being deliberately critical (of myself) vs. impulse spending. Being a minimalist does not mean deprivation or not owning anything fancy. It means I became more deliberative of what I add into my life (and living space), being careful not to go through the cycle of accumulating stuff that I don’t truly need, or those that are in excess of what is essential to my lifestyle.

I listed down the things I bought for myself in 2024 (excluding consumables like food and toiletries). It tallied to twelve items, and four of them are replacements of very old items that broke down (like my eight year old mobile phone, or five year old hair iron). 

Before 2024 came to a close, I listed down at least twenty five things I will not buy in 2025. I provided leeway (i.e., low probability) for things that I may need to buy if the need arises. 

Disclaimer: This list is very personal vs. my chosen lifestyle. If you happen to disagree or think differently, that is fine. But if like me, you are into mindful living, I hope this sharing helps.

 1.          Trendy Clothes, One-Time Use Clothes

I buy my clothes and shoes based on comfort level. Clothes should be easy to mix and match, preferably in basic colors, classic styles and made from sustainable materials. I don't buy clothes simply because it is the trend (e.g, color of the year, in fashion). 

I invest in high quality and classic clothing that is durable, and I can wear it repeatedly for a long time. This way, the cost per wear is lower even if I bought it at a higher price, vs. buying something that will not last long, or cannot be worn for a long time because the trend will die out.

2.           Upgrades of Mobile Phone and Electronic Gadgets

I replaced my android phone last year after eight long years of service. I don't automatically upgrade to newer models when the new sensation comes along. If this phone is equally sturdy as my old one, it should last another five years or more and that is good enough for me. 

3.            Firecrackers/Fireworks

         We celebrated the passing of the year enjoying the fireworks display courtesy of our co-villagers. We stopped buying fireworks since 2020. My father used to say, it is like burning money. And he was right.

4.             Bags

I received two bags last 2023 from my sisters (one was brand new Furla bucket bag, the other one was pre-loved Coach Hobo) and inherited a bag from my daughter (reverse hand-me-down). There is no place at all in the rotation for a new one. I gave away a couple of  my pre-loved hand bags to young ladies to put them to better use.

5.            Water Bottles

My water bottle is tough as nails; I don’t see that a replacement is in order anytime soon. I only need one water bottle which I leave at the workplace, and another one at home for travels.

6.            Running Shoes (and all other shoes)

Asics Gel Kayano is my go-to running shoes. I will stick to my stability running shoes until it’s end of life. As of now, I have a complete set of footwear for different occasions. On weekends and casual events, I gravitate to sneakers or flats. I avoid high heels unless it is a ‘high-heel-kind-of-occasion’. 

7.            Gowns (and other formal wear)

I don’t mind reusing my old gowns for special occasions if the style and color matches the theme. I recently attended a formal event, received an award, wearing an oldie but goodie gown. What I wore (old or new) was not a big deal if it is keeping up to the dress code. What was important was that I felt good and comfortable in it. 

8.            Dress

I have six dresses, and I rarely wore them in 2024. During weekends, I almost always wear loose or capri pants, paired with sneakers. Unless there is a special occasion that warrants a new one, safe to say that I don’t have to add one this year. 

9.            New Book (until I finish the current one)

I am committed to finish my current reading first before adding a new one to the collection. I also started using an e-book via Google Play Books. I am contemplating buying a Kindle; I need to give it some thought. I still prefer the physical book, but I have to be mindful of shelf space. 

10.        Nail Polish

In our chemical-laden world, one less artificial thing off our body is a good thing. I used to reserve having my nails polished for very special occasions, but ditched it altogether.  Keeping them clean and trimmed should be decent enough. 

11.        Hair Color

I had white hairs sticking out when I turned fifty, but thankfully not too much.  I dyed my hair in reddish-brown shade 27 years ago and until I change my mind someday, it will stay that way (no dye).

12.          New Ballpens (until I ran out the current one)

This is a tough one because I like using multi-colored ballpens at work, and I keep at least a set of three (in case I lost one). I still have at least five other pens (given to me as tokens) waiting to be used. 

13.         Sticky Notes and Memo Pads

I still have five sets of sticky notes of different colors, shapes and sizes. Those are useful for short reminders and logging my to-do list. I seriously need to run them out.

14.         Planners

I am old school when it comes to planners. I haven’t bought one for many years because I can always get one for free from my colleagues who receive them as tokens and pass it on to me.

15.         Paid Media and Subscriptions

I have limited presence in social media. I have FB and Messenger. My legacy Instagram account is still there but I no longer create new posts. I am not present in X, Tiktok or any other media. I limit myself to one subscription (Netflix) but only until I am able to maximize the cost per use. I turn off the subscription on months when I will be too busy to have time to watch.

16.         Make-Up Stash

Make-up is essential for occasions that warrant one to look put together. But I will not stack up for supplies where one is enough. For example, I only need one each of brow liner, eyeliner and mascara. I stick to one shade of blush, foundation, highlighter, bronzer and pressed powder.  It is also not practical to keep a lot of make up items because they have expiration dates.

17.         Period Decorations

We cleared away 90% of old Christmas decorations including the seven feet tree where we end up huffing and puffing just to bring it down to the living room. I replaced it with pre-assembled tree that is kess than two-feet, which I can carry with one hand. I added a simple three piece paper mâché Belen from Papemelroti. I don’t decorate for Halloween, Valentine’s Day, summertime or any other holidays. If that makes for a boring house, so be it!

18.        Mobile Plan Subscriptions

I reverted to a pre-paid mobile plan. Literally, it saved me thousands of pesos for the same, if not better usage level. The data-usage has no expiration and because I am not a heavy user, the data rarely rans out.

19.         Perfumes

I keep three bottles of perfumes that my olfactory system can tolerate. I don’t add new ones until I finish at least one of them. My migraine gets triggered by very strong-smelling perfumes, but I appreciate the mildly scented floral perfumes from Jo Malone.

20.         Matching Set of Clothes

I don’t buy matching themed clothes (eg. “Welcome 2025” t-shirts) and most especially, the kind that you can only wear once or few times in your lifetime. The last time I had to buy same-colored shirts for everyone in our family was when we attended a family reunion more than ten years ago and we were assigned to come in fuchsia. Once in a while, we find ourselves choosing the same-colored shirts, but it was absolutely nothing orchestrated.

21.          Running Apparel

I have adequate sets of running shorts and singlets. It is not a necessity to own a number of singlets that are more than the number of running days in a week.

22.          Souvenirs

When travelling, I prefer to try and buy the local delicacies. I no longer buy souvenir shirts, key chains, caps, display items and other knick-knacks if I will not be maximizing its use. I receive souvenirs as pasalubong and I put them to good use to honor the giver (like key chains, coffee mugs, magnets) but I will certainly not buy one for myself.

23.         Credit Cards

   I have one personal credit card which was rarely used, and a corporate card for business-related travels. I have not and will not add a new one. I don’t spend or use it with the intent of chasing points. I am not easily swayed by 'free-annual fee-for-life promises either.

24.         Jewelry

          High quality, classic jewelries are a good investment. They don’t run out of style. It can be passed on to next generations. In my case, I don’t collect jewelries. I keep a set of two for special occasions. And because I have a small frame, I would rather not be drowned in heavy pieces of shining, shimmering things.

25.     Shopping as a Hobby

          I buy things that we need. Very rarely, I will buy things that I want. But I don’t browse online shopping sites as a form of hobby or to feel good about scoring sales during D-days (11.11, 12.12). I will shop online for the things we need that either I could not find at the traditional store, or, the discount is better when bought online.

  So there you have it! 

  When I started embracing minimalism and essentialism, I realized that it was so much easier to control what I choose to add and accumulate in my life. Being able to save money for things that matter more, is an outcome. 

And the more I become mindful in practicing it, I also discovered it was even so much easier to choose and filter the emotions/thoughts/feelings that I allow to enter and take up space and energy in my life!

   Happy New Year! Wishing you a year filled with blessing, health and happiness!

Sundown at the south of Palawan countrysides
To appreciate the beauty of nature, instead of accumulating 'stuff'
is what I look forward to year after year.

It has been our tradition to spend the 1st day of the year
walking around the village. Collect memories, not stuff.

 

Burn Out

I experienced getting burned out twice in my over twenty-five year career. 

On both occasions, I went through mental and physical distress. 

Lost sleep. Lost my appetite. 

Lost weight in a not-so-good-way. 

Most of all, it eroded my confidence.

When it happened the first time, I was able to will my way out of the downward spiral. 

Maybe it was the DNA. Fighting back. Willing me to say, “I shall not be defeated by this!” 

And so, I survived. Fought back. Picked up the broken pieces. Started over again. Found a new purpose. Led me to start my running journey.

The second time was different. It was the perfect case of “the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

While I was still mentally put-together, the body just couldn’t catch up. 

I got sick. I was pale and people started to notice. My blood pressure would always fall dangerously low. I took some time off, but I just could not recover. 

I remember making a presentation for a very important global visitor — I could not even finish my sentences. I was constantly running out of breath. 

That was the turning point. I decided to hit the "pause" button and analyzed my situation.

Consulted my husband. We weighed the pros and cons.

Made up my mind.

Prayed for guidance and enlightenment.

It was the perfect time to pursue change.  

And so, I did.

I thank God that I did and was guided through it.

Things fell into their proper place.